Jamesville
by Barnabus Peach
Summary: I hate to call this a parody, because it's a true story -- told Dr. Suess style. Not really biblical -- but Bible-based.


**"Jamesville"**

**By Barnabus Peach**

* * *

There once was a world, Eggland, by name

Where every man, woman, and child looked the same.

Men, Women, and Children—Eggs they were all.

Some of them short and some of them small.

Some were funny and some were not.

Some were cold and some were hot.

Some Eggs were pretty and others were plain.

Some were fat. Some were thin. Some walked with a cane.

Some were old. Some were young. Some were somewhere between.

Some were mad. Some were glad. Some were dirty or clean.

And each of them had a most silly name,

But all of them shared one thing just the same.

Each Egg had a crack.

Some had one crack.

Others had two.

Mean Eggs had three.

It just wouldn't do.

But nothing they did made the cracks go away.

So they lived with their cracks throughout every day.

Until the Only One told them a way to succeed!

"This is great!" they rejoiced. "This is just what we need!"

The One gave them a Book that told them the way.

To make their cracks disappear, they just had to say

That they trusted the One would make them all clean.

Their cracks would still be there but couldn't be seen.

But Others from lands that were far far away

Heard of the word of the One and did say,

"Let us get this great Word and make it so we

Can be what this Great One desires us to be!"

So they took the One's words and they made it so they

Could read all the great words that the Great One did say.

But not very many from other lands knew

How to speak the strange words that the Others did do.

But that didn't matter to Others. They said,

"Our words are the best words. Get that through your head!"

And the leaders of Others, King James the Great,

Did loudly reject the whole One Word debate!

He said, "My words best repeat what the Great One did say.

I'm sorry, my friends, but there's no other way."

So James started a city that taught the Eggs school.

He taught them the Words that he thought were cool.

Jamesville was the great name of his town.

And soon it became a great place of renown.

King James chose three leaders to keep Eggs in line,

And those leaders thought they were—oh goodness!—so fine!

The governor, Bristle, was a broom, tall and skinny,

He drunk one glass of detergent too many.

He wore suits and ties and he rarely smiled.

No sense of humor. No sense of style.

Smiley, the mayor, quite lived up to his name,

Though a happy smile was rarely his aim.

His bushy white mop was so gelled and so pinched

That the hardest of winds couldn't budge it an inch.

And Bellow, the sergeant, burly and grand,

Was in charge of reciting the city's demands.

With a mouth like a horn and a voice like a bull,

Sadly, in fact, he was really quite dull.

And the king and three rulers ruled Jamesville real well!

And the Eggs magnificent stories did tell!

Jamesville, the city of learning and love,

Where everyegg learned to love learning and love.

Playing was bad because learning was best.

And of all other schools this was the most learningest.

But people who came—I'm afraid—soon did see

That Jamesville wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

It was a beautiful city with green growing trees,

Though all the Egg-students were drowning with fees.

It took lots of money to make Jamesville great.

Its rules were enforced without any debate.

And the little Egg-students were very strange too.

They often did things that no Egg should _ever _do.

They acted real mean when no Egg was staring.

They acted real ugly when no Egg was caring.

And the rules there at Jamesville _really_ were strange.

Rules, rules, rules, rules!

A boy Egg and girl Egg couldn't shake hands.

They couldn't wave fans.

They couldn't kick cans.

They couldn't have fun.

They couldn't chew gum.

The Eggs there at Jamesville couldn't blow their noses!

And, wow, did they have to wear really weird clotheses.

The boy Eggs wore ties and shoes like big blocks.

The girl Eggs wore dresses with ugly blue socks.

But of all the clothes that the Eggs had to wear,

One thing they all liked and thought was most fair.

White cloaks.

Pretty white cloaks that shone in the sun.

The Eggs loved their cloaks, each and every one.

Because each of their cloaks covered each of their cracks.

The Eggs loved their cloaks and would not give them back.

But one Egg refused to do things the King's way.

She didn't like the words he did say.

She didn't like the way that the Jamesville Eggs lived.

She didn't like the way that the three leaders lived.

It was something that this Egg just couldn't do,

Acting as if one Egg really were two.

This Egg was named Whirlygig Amos McNed.

But, please, just call her Amos instead.

Though Amos liked learning in King Jamesville town,

She was unhappy all the way 'round.

But everything changed when she heard the sound

That her friend Sweep was coming to town.

Sweep was her teacher and friend at her home.

If Sweep came to see her, she wouldn't feel so alone.

Sweep was a vacuum from the Land of the Free,

And he would teach things the way they _should_ be.

But word soon came to her that the leaders were mad.

They didn't like Sweep. They thought he was bad.

Because Sweep didn't trust every word King James said,

The leaders sat back and just shook their head.

"I'm sorry, Sweep," Smiley said with a sneer,

"We just can't have you spreading your ideas here."

"In truth," cried Bristle, agreeing along,

"After all, how can someone from Jamesville be wrong?"

So they banded together that one awful day,

And turned friendly Sweep the great vacuum away.

And Amos was hurt.

She loved her friend Sweep

With all of her heart

And she wouldn't be friends

With Eggs so sharp.

"You can't just do that and be so mean.

You can't act so dirty if you're supposed to be clean.

You cover your cracks with your pretty white cloaks,

And it works very well. But it's all a joke!

For under your cloaks you're still cracked and unclean

And that's not the kind of Egg that I want to be!"

So Amos packed her bag

And returned to her home.

And said, "Mom, I'm here now!

No more to roam!

I'll learn from Sweep now

And from you guys too!

And now I know just what

I will never do!

I'll never act mean when no one is there

And then act real sweet when someone will care.

I'll never say one thing and mean something else.

I'll never exalt the One under myself.

I'll never dress one way to cover my crack

Because when you undress the crack still comes back!

So instead of hiding it day by long day,

I'll just ask the One to take it away."

But King James still lives, though his word is fading.

And 'til he's gone, the One is still waiting.

So don't ever let Jameses come into your life,

Because all they do is cause meanness and strife.

Instead trust the One with all of your cares,

And when you need Him He'll always be there.

And never put your words Higher than His,

For that, dear Egg Friends, is one risky biz.

Just trust what He said and trust what He did,

And you, my dear friend, will be one happy kid!!

* * *

A/N: Some of you may understand this, and others of you may not. But if you have ever been exposed to LEGALISM, keep this poem close to your heart. This poem is a true story, by the way, though all names have been changed (obviously).


End file.
